Support Someone You Care About

How to listen without trying to fix everything

The urge to solve is a kind way of being uncomfortable. Slow it down.

• Ask, then wait. Silence is part of listening.
• Reflect back what you heard: "So it sounds like the hardest part is…"
• Ask what they want from the conversation: to vent, to think out loud, or for ideas.
• Stay with the feeling before moving to the plan.

• Jumping to solutions in the first minute
• Comparing it to your own situation
• Filling every pause

Helpful things to say

Short and honest beats polished.

• "That sounds really hard. I'm glad you told me."
• "I don't know what to say, but I'm not going anywhere."
• "What would help right now?"
• "Do you want ideas, or do you want me to just listen?"
• "I'll check in on Thursday." — then actually do it.

Things to avoid saying

These usually come from a good place and still land badly.

• Instead of "Others have it worse" — try "This is hard, and it counts."
• Instead of "Just think positive" — try "What's the heaviest part today?"
• Instead of "You don't seem depressed" — try "Thanks for telling me."
• Instead of "Have you tried…" — try "Want ideas, or company?"

• "Everything happens for a reason"
• "You're being dramatic"
• "Snap out of it"

How to encourage professional support

You are opening a door, not pushing someone through it.

• Name what you've noticed, kindly and specifically, without labelling them.
• Offer a practical step: looking up options together, or sitting with them while they call.
• Normalise it — plenty of people use professional support, in and out of crisis.
• Accept a no for now, and leave the offer open.

• Diagnosing them yourself
• Ultimatums, unless safety is at risk

Boundaries and self-care for supporters

You cannot pour from an empty tank, and burning out helps nobody.

• Decide what you can offer honestly — time, energy, hours you are reachable.
• Say it plainly and early: "I can talk most evenings, but not after 10pm."
• Keep one part of your life that is not about this.
• Get your own support: a friend, a group, or a professional of your own.

• Promising to be available at all hours
• Taking responsibility for another adult's choices

What to do if someone is in crisis

Stay calm, stay with them, and get help involved.

• Ask directly: "Are you thinking about suicide?" Asking does not plant the idea.
• Stay with them, or stay on the line.
• Call or text 988 in the US (or your local emergency number). You can call for advice even if you are not the person at risk.
• Help reduce access to means where you safely can.
• Call emergency services if there is immediate danger.

• Promising to keep a plan secret
• Leaving them alone to "cool off"

How to support someone in recovery

Be steady, be predictable, and keep the door open.

• Celebrate ordinary progress, not just milestones.
• Plan social time that doesn't revolve around using.
• Treat a setback as information, not betrayal.
• Ask what support actually helps them — it differs person to person.

• Policing or testing them
• Bringing up past behaviour as leverage